just stuff

Well, I had my first appt today.. it was a phone appt with the nurse. So, would you think that the nurse who called would have looked at my chart real quick before calling? Do you think she would have known that my baby died 4.5 months ago? HA.. how strange that she did not have that 'little' tidbit of information. We went through most of the call, she confirmed that I had 2 pregnancies before this... the most recent, a boy in September. Yes, correct. Later she asked about my symptoms. I told her I had nausea, with some vomiting.. she was suggesting taking B6 and umison or something for morning sickness.. to which I said I didn't need, I rather like my symptoms, it makes me feel like things are happening.. and as long as I can care for my 3 year old, I'd be just fine puking once a day or so... she says, Yeah.. AND the baby! ummm my baby died. She felt really bad for not knowing.. I feel like my chart should be highlighted or something.. BIG WORDS... THIS WOMAN HAD A FULL TERM LOSS written at the top! Lucky for her, I'm not one of the poor women who would be devastated by her not knowing, and break down crying at my retelling of the tragic end of my last pregnancy. She also asks questions about depression.. one of them was I have been so upset that I cry? I said, occasionally.. because yeah.. my kid DID die 4 months ago.. am I allowed to STILL be sad about it!? AND even shed a tear about it?? But still, just so you all know, I only scored a 6 on the 'depression' quiz.. so I guess I'm not depressed! haha Like I didn't know that.. I'm honest with myself. The other questions I always think are strange.. are the ones asking if you're afraid in your home? Do people hit you? ummm IF they did, would I actually answer that?? Today, I said.. yes.. my mom did a long time ago! ;)
I've also signed up for a study at the hospital. It's a study on the growth of your baby. I think it's very interesting.. and esp. since 'they say' that when you have pregnancies back to back, like I am right now.. your next baby tends to be smaller. So, I'd like to keep an eye on that too. The REAL reason I want to do the study is because I will get to SEE the baby more often. I have my first visit on Feb. 12th. They will do an ultrasound at each of the 5 visits to get measurements on the baby. The first one they will also rule out twins! If we've got twins, then we aren't eligible for the study. You also get free parking, AND a 10$ target gift card for each visit. They allow guests to come to the ultrasounds too.. so if anyone wants to get a glimpse of the baby, let me know... and they give you pictures too! :) The old me wouldn't have done this at all.. I would never want that many ultrasounds.. but I think I will require more reassurance and it will make me feel good that many different people will be checking in on my baby. :)
So that's that.. nothing too crazy or exciting. I could use a nap though. yaaaaaawn!