Tuesday, June 30, 2009

29 weeks!

Holy crap! My last week in the 20's! 9 weeks or less til Delaney arrives! It's been going by so fast.. I hope it stays this way! Something tells me that once I hit 33 weeks, it's going to draaaaaaaaaaag! Oh well.. every day brings us closer to holding our little rainbow baby, and the more time that passes the more absolutely giddy I become!! Of course there is another side to the excitment.. the fear... did she move as much today? Yesterday I had to use the doppler in the morning, then we were out and about all day, 4 hours at the village, then playing outside, and baking cookies and cleaning.. I didn't get the crazy moves last night that I'd been getting for the past few days. That kind of thing freaks me out! But I have to remind myself that she can change positions, and be not so powerful with the kicks and jabs, but I sure do prefer them to be strong and constant! :)

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Well, I had a doc appt on Friday.. he said "so, we're delivering at 37 weeks?' WHA? we are?? Well, maybe not. I told him that I was going to try to hold off for the 38 week mark, since I'd rather not stay in the hospital extra days for steroids.. and of course the common sense part of my brain does still know that inside for longer is best for the baby. I do, however, reserve the right to freak out at the end and decide that being in the hospital two days before a 37 week birth with all the monitors on, making sure that she's staying alive will suit our family better! I don't want to be psycho... but I just don't know how I'll feel as we inch closer to the birth. For now, I'll plan on a 38 week arrival. September 1st or earlier! :)
The other thing I learned at the docs is that they are wanting me to have 2 NST's a week! I thought the other doctor said 1.. I might ask more about this, because that would mean driving once a week to Ann Arbor, and once a week to my doc office (30 min drive too) I feel like once a week would suit me just fine, at least from 32-35 weeks, then maybe bump it up to two times a week after 35? I'll inquire about that with the doc when I see him again in 3 weeks! My uterus is measuring 30 weeks (I was 28.5 at the appt) so a little big.. but of course I think this measurement is only 100% accurate if you had a flat stomach before getting pregnant, plus Delaney is a little bigger than average according to the last growth scan I had!? Soo, hmm.. what else? Oh, yes.. I've started doing kick counts. I've never done them before, it's kind of strange.. so far it seems to take 10-15 minutes to get 10 kicks (supposed to have at least 10 in two hours) so, what I'm really looking for is her pattern.. so far her's is taking 15 minutes, so if one day it takes an hour.. that's when I get to freak out and race to the hospital! Hopefully she keeps up her crazy active schedule. For the past two nights, we've watched a late movie and she has moved pretty much non stop for the whole time I'm resting! A night owl is living in my womb! She already moves more than Gwen or Dresden ever did, and she's only 28 weeks! This baby knows what her parents need to stay sane! Thank you baby girl!! Last night while feeling her move and watching the movements together with Shaun, I just got an overwhelming urge to hold her! I mean, I am.. technically holding her all the time, but I just want her in my arms SO bad! I've never had that feeling before... with Gwen and Dresden I just loved having them inside so much, that they could stay as long as they liked. I still love having Delaney inside too.. but man, I really can't wait to hold her and see her!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

28 weeks

10 weeks to go! (or maybe a little less)
I just can't wait to meet this sweet little girl bouncing about inside my uterus!
Time really can't move quickly enough right now, so I will do my best to keep busy and help it along. I have a doctors appt this Friday, I can't imagine learning anything new.. but perhaps I can get him to set me up with a date that I can focus on! ;) Of course, I'm fully planning on having contractions on my own and going to the hospital because of that!

Sunday, June 21, 2009


We headed off to Lake Michigan on Thursday for a long weekend camping trip! It was a great time overall..the biggest issue was the swarms of mosquito's! Seriously, where are they coming from!?! These are the buggers who do not rest up during the day, they are ALWAYS there! And when I say SWARM.. it' s not an exaggeration! This is our 3rd time camping at this place (our favorite spot that we found on a post high school trip, and couldn't figure out where it was until a few years ago) and never been nearly carried away by the pesky insects! Luckily the beautiful shoreline of Lake Michigan was a short walk away and the mosquito's didn't hang out at the beach! :) Here are some pictures from our trip!
Setting up the tent is always fun!
After our camp was situated we headed down to the beach! Ahh! So wonderful!!
Gwen wasn't afraid of the icy cold lake.
buried in the sand, just long enough for a picture
We took a nature hike, and saw this beautiful doe - she never ran away from us, she must have known that we love animals and would never hurt her! :)
Shaun and Gwen looking at the deer.
On the drive to the dunes we saw this at a dairy farm! Babies everywhere! I made Shaun turn around so I could get pictures and see the little cow nursing from her momma! It was the sweetest thing! I don't think I've ever seen a baby allowed to nurse - Beautiful!!
Gwen started climbing sleeping bear dunes before we did! She was so excited! I thought she'd get lazy, but she kept going and going! whew!
Shaun and Gwen chilling out for a moment
We were excited because I actually was able to climb the dune too!! In my lazy, achy pregnant state, I wasn't sure it could be done! ;)
We could have used more water.. little fishy drank it all!
Gwen gives Delaney a kiss and tells her about sleeping bear dunes!
Shaun RUNS down the dune. Lucky he didn't fall on his face!
There was a scenic drive we did after the dunes, it was really nice.. so we had someone take a picture of us!
Pancakes for breakfast... I think my belly looks so small in this picture - Shaun thinks I'm wrong!
We spent all of Saturday at the beach - here are Shaun and Gwen setting up our area!
daddy and Gwen kayak! She thought this was pretty amazing!
It was such a perfect beach day!
Shaun does some more burying.
Gwen is showing her booboo and sad face. Shaun was getting the camera to take a picture of Gwen and I in the water together. Gwen snuck behind him and laid down in the sand, Shaun was looking for her and stepped right on her hand! After one of those long drawn out breath's she howled in agony.. Shaun was concerned that it was broken and wondered if we should take her to the hospital. All she really needed was a bandage and some time.. then she was good as new! :)
We went to the zoo last week and Gwen SO wanted a butterfly to land on her hand. We saw a few at the beach and decided to try. Eventually we gently put our hand in front of the butterfly and it walked on her hand.. she was SOOOO excited!
We were surfing on some driftwood.
Momma and Gwen kayak too!
A really juicy peach! MMM!
Shaun was being a sand monster to Gwen (her invention) and she started to cry and informed him that he wasn't supposed to get HER.. they were supposed to be sand monster daddy and baby TOGETHER!
Here they are getting their sand monster bodies ready by rolling in the sand.
and one of my favorite pictures EVER! The sand daddy and baby attacking mommy!
playing in the sand.
After a full day at the beach, covering all of our pasty bodies with sun screen (50SPF) SHAUN still managed to get a burn! He was applying sunscreen as often as Gwen.. she has NO burn at all, he's back and arms are lobsterish! I've got a mild burn, but I wasn't applying sunblock as often as Shaun! Crazy, eh?
So, after returning to our campsite we decided that we'd make veggie dogs and then drive into town for ice cream before coming back to see the sunset. I pulled out the veggie dogs, and they just seemed weird, like squishy, so we decided to not take a chance by eating them.. the mosquito's were swarming and attacking us like crazy and Shaun knew his burn was not going to feel great on a sandy sleeping bag - so we decided to come home a little early. (I think Shaun just wanted to make sure he got a good father's day breakfast in bed!!) ;) hehe We had a GREAT trip and can't wait to go back! (hopefully next time the mosquito problem won't be so bad.)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Perinatal Consultation

I had my perinatal consult today, and was pleasantly surprised when the woman called me back and we walked to the ultrasound room! I said, "am I getting a scan today?" Then after telling her what I thought I was there for (a meeting with the doctor to go over timing for NST's (non stress tests) and recommendation for delivery with amnio? or steroids? or none of the above) But, first things first... a surprise ultrasound!! I always love getting to see our little girl! (and yes, I had the tech scan her 'area' once again, and she showed a very clear view of her girly parts - even I could tell!) She's weighing in at 2lbs 11oz! WOW! (I think 2lbs 3oz is the average). The doctor said that we would start weekly NST's at 32 weeks - which would consist of me being hooked up to a monitor for the babies heartbeat for 30 minutes and an ultrasound to check the fluid levels. I asked my biggest question - WHEN! He said, we could do 37 weeks.. but anything before 38 weeks I'd have to get steroid shots, and if I got those, I'd probably have to be in the hospital for 2 days before her birth because of blood sugars going wacky and they'd want to monitor that. I'm feeling like the closer to 38 weeks the better (I'd rather not be in the hospital any longer than I have to, AND even though I don't really trust my body to do the right thing, I still feel like the safest place for the babe is inside with as much time to grow as possible) - but we'll reassess my sanity as time goes on. I also tend to start contracting earlier than 38 weeks.. so if that happens the babe can be born without steroids! :) Here are two pictures that I got today of our sweet little Delaney! Her hands are still up by her face, but not covering it! No 3D pics today though..

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I feel like I've lost him all over again..

While checking my morning emails, I felt something under my shirt. Little particles of something... I pulled some out, thought Gwen must have somehow got some candy in there, and threw it on the floor.. i'll vacuum later, right? I go into the kitchen to make a call, and feel more of this stuff under my shirt, between my tank bra and shirt.. I lift up my shirt and out falls all of this stuff.. I'm puzzled - for a second.. then I see Dresden's urn is missing from my necklace! His ashes are all over the kitchen floor! I feel okay, but rush around looking for the urn part, hoping it's not shattered somewhere in our bed, it's not there.. it's under my shirt still (baby and boobs hold it in place) it's totally empty, I start to freak out, call Shaun at work and can barely talk - I get out that Dresden's necklace broke and his ashes are on the floor, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Shaun got me calmed down a bit, but as soon as we hung up, I lost it again, screaming out! I don't even remember screaming when he died.. then I had to go back by the computer and search the floor for my dead sons ashes, and then to the kitchen, adding each little piece back into the cobalt blue urn. I've been wearing him since 3 days after he died, everywhere but the shower, and now my necklace is broken. Shaun says he can fix it, but what if he can't? I feel sick... I couldn't protect him then, and I can't even protect him now!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

16 years!!

We have now been together for more than half of my life! In honor of our 16 year anniversary, I'm going to post the story of our beginning. I've posted it before, but here it is again, because this date is the really important one to us! :)

The Story of our beginning

Like the beginning of any perfect romance, we met on the school bus. The year was 1992, I was in 10th grade, he was in 9th (so I like younger men.. big deal!) and it was to be the beginning of a magical journey together. Of course me being 15 and him 14, we would have NEVER thought of forever – well, maybe I did.. but that’s what
15 year old girls do!
Anyhow, back to the first meeting. We were on the bus ride home from good old John F. Kennedy high school, when Joel (my 3rd cousin and Shaun’s Tae Kwon Do buddy) started to harass Leona, Dina and I. Or more likely we started to harass him. Shaun being the macho and flirty guy that he his, stepped in to assist his superior in Tae Kwon Do. Probably to catch some female attention, knowing Shaun.
It took me a few days to figure out that I was gonna have to like this guy. We actually talked, which was weird for me. Normally when I liked boys, I was super shy and the biggest conversation would have been “hi” followed by lots of giggles and excitement. But Shaun was different; I could actually talk to him, and considered him a friend.
The day I finally decided for sure that he was my next target for love (I’d only targeted like 2 guys in my whole life!) was the day that Joel fractured his jaw in tae kwon do class! Lucky for me it wasn’t serious enough for him to be out of school for long, and only two days later he was back on the bus.
One of these early days on the bus ride home, he sang a song to me. Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I thought it was just the most romantic thing ever. So, I did what any girl in my situation would do. I bought the tape!! (yes, we used cassette tapes back then!) I loved that song so much, and Anthony Kiedis was HOT! I kept asking Leona; don’t you think Shaun kind of looks like him?? She always said nope. One thing we did agree on about Shaun though, was that he had an arrogant appeal to him. While watching Beauty and the Beast one day, we decided that he was definitely Gaston like. “She’s the best girl in town and don’t I deserve the best???” Ha!
I can’t remember when the first candy gram was sent to my sssecretly-admired love, possibly December 1992. This started a two-month period of ssecret love letters. Leona and I would make up poems, very clever poems like.. ‘I see you walking down the hall, I wish you were my butterball” and ‘Every time I see you my heart goes bump bump’ We were full of fabulous ideas. Every letter was signed “Love, your sssssecret admirer” and sealed with a kiss – from Leona normally, because I would just start to laugh and lipstick would be everywhere! Mary supplied us with the cards since she worked for Hallmark at the time and had a nice stock of every kind of card imaginable. The reason for the many ssss, besides my name starting with an S?? My Chinese animal sign is the snake. Shaun knew this, so I offered it as a little hint. Unfortunately he didn’t get it.
He always figured that the most likely culprit was Dina, since she was the only one who didn’t talk to him. I had planned on putting a valentine puzzle in his locker with a teddy bear to expose the secret. However, Shaun called my house one day while I was babysitting and talked to Jennifer for a bit.. who very willingly ratted me out! What kind of sister does that? So Shaun knew the big secret, was he thrilled? I don’t know.. he really liked many girls at the time, his flirtatious ways
made sure that a few girls liked him too!
When the next semester started, I had switched out of a class (can’t remember which one or why, but there was a good reason??) and got into Ms. Eskins art class instead. (gotta love Fate!) I was walking to class with Dina and when we walked by Ms. Eskins room, guess who I saw?? SHAUN RYAN!! Oh the delight, I actually probably squealed in the hallway! 2nd hour was going to be the BEST! So, I came in, and sat at a table with Shaun, Jason Ward and Beth Gorke. We all had a lot of fun in that class.
Around March of 1993, I joined tae kwon do after watching a Jean Claude Van Dam movie with Leona. She was already in karate, and of course the fact that Shaun was in it too, had nothing to do with me wanting to join! So, I went to class all the time, and got all giddy and excited when I saw Shaun walking toward the building with his workout bag in tow. His giups were always so much fun to laugh at. HI, MY, DIE, PIE… etc. and it gave me more of a chance to flirt with him and watch him get all sweaty!
On June 6, 1993 I got my drivers license. A couple days later, my mom let me drive her car to karate. How cool was I?? Jennifer walked up there later so she could ride home with me. I left class feeling highly important and mature; after all, I did have a car to drive! (even if it was just for less than a mile trip and my mom’s!) I had the brilliant plan that I would pull up next to Shaun and offer him a lift, you know, to look suave. So, backing out I hear BOOM! And then an alarm going off. I just froze, and then asked Jennifer, did I hit it? Did I hit it? She said, NO! go go go!! There goes my suave idea. There was no way that I could offer him a ride now, I felt like a total idiot and I was super freaked out. I took the car home and decided to go for a walk with Jennifer. We walked to the Little Rose Chapel, for a quick prayer. Then I was ready to go to Shaun’s house. I was embarrassed and wanted to see how much of that he saw? Of course he saw everything.. we laughed and chatted. I tried to kiss Bear and it looked like he might bite my face off - it seems that no one had taught that dog how to kiss!
Back at school, there was talk about Shaun and not one but two girls that he liked. Beth Gorke labeled them party number one and party number two. I wasn’t allowed to know who they were, which led me to believe that I was one of them. Though I can’t remember which one? And honestly I didn’t care, as long as I was the one picked! Well, that dream came true on Friday, June 11, 1993! What a wonderful day that was! We sat next to each other on the bus that afternoon and I found out that my new FIRST awesome boyfriend was not going to be able to see me all weekend! He had boy scout camp to attend – WHAT? I’m going out with a boy scout?? Wow.. I didn’t even think those existed in high school. Oh well, there would be plenty of other weekends to hang with my new man.
Our first horrible kiss was in the back of the karate school, probably 5 days after our relationship began. Joel was there, he asked us if we’d kissed yet. We shyly said no… and he said, you guys need to kiss right now! I’m not letting you leave until you kiss!! So, we went for it… and it was kind of a rushed painful kiss.. highly embarrassing! On the walk to my house after, I had some gum in my mouth and I said, to Shaun, want some? He said yes… and that’s how we had our first real kiss. How incredibly cheesy! But we are a cheesy couple, so it fits.
Our first movie date was with Leona, Dina and BrandonWilley. We went to southland mall’s movie theatre to see Jurassic Park. Afterward, we took photo’s in the booth. You can tell that I am not at my most comfortable in those photo’s.. as the years go by, those photo booth pictures get more and more loosey goosey! I never considered the movie to be our real first date. Since we went with friends, it wasn’t the same. What I consider our first date is midway golf. Shaun’s mom picked me up. I was wearing shorts with a black pleather front and some kind of flannel shirt with cut off sleeves (Hey, it was the grunge era!) Shaun sat in the back with me, like his mom was a chauffeur or something, which was a little strange to me, but nice to have him sitting next to me in the back of the mini van. We arrived at midway to play putt putt golf, and after walked across the street to get ice cream. It was raining a bit, we were sitting outside and kissing a lot! (we were old pro’s by then!) Shaun was trying to remove strawberry seeds from my retainer! The owners of the ice cream place came out and said we had to leave because they were closing down for the day. (or they didn’t want teenagers making out at their business!?) So, we walked to the pay phone and called for our pick up ride. What a fun and memorable day. We still celebrate our dating anniversary each year by going to play putt putt at midway.

The End. Of the beginning.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

9 months

9 months inside, growing, preparing for a beautiful life filled with laughter and now 9 months since he entered our world without a breath. I still can't believe this is my life.. but here I sit, Dresden's sister in my belly and no chunky 9 month old crawling nearby. I miss that sweet boy every day, i'm glad he was part of my life, even if our time was cut short. This milestone is a difficult one, from here on out.. he's been gone longer than he was with us.. but you know, nothing about your child dying is easy is it?

26 weeks


Sunday, June 7, 2009

Favorites according to Gwen

While Gwen and I took a walk this evening, she looked at the trees. Then made the following observation - "Tree's are mommy's favorite, Incredible Hulk is daddy's favorite and hearts are my favorite" I asked her if the hearts inside our bodies were her favorite, or ones that you draw? Her answer?? "Hearts that I EAT! Candy hearts!" ... of course!! haha

How can anyone not be entertained by a 3 year old?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Strawberries, lots and lots of strawberries!

So, today was my birthday, and besides having a grad party to go to, we wanted to go strawberry picking! I called the other day, and they said picking starts on June 3rd, so it was planned! We got a later start than we wanted, since we were all up very late with a nice game of Phase 10 with friends.. so we didn't leave the house til 12:30 or so (intended to leave around 10!) Oh well.. right? So, we get to the strawberry picking place - a 25 or so minute drive from home, Gwen is super excited about it, and well.. so am I! AND the place is CLOSED!! The sign says, "sorry, all picked out!" grrr! Oh well, we venture over to Brandon and Ro's, since Gwen and I hadn't seen the new place yet, and it was close by and got to visit for a bit, see the adorable little chickens they have and all the progress they're making on the house as well as a venture into the forest AND a 4 wheeler ride! Weee!! We came home, and I called a couple other strawberry farms in the area (1 hour away) and we decided to go to the grad party for a bit, then take off early and get to the farm, they were open til 7.. we got there at 6, and it was so perfect!! There was another family gathering berries, with the mom teaching me a thing or two about making jams (which was my intent with some of our harvest!) We picked 9 quarts, which I didn't think was too many... Gwen even filled her quart box once! We also took plenty of berries out in our bellies! (esp. Gwen!!) It turned out to be a really great day! For some strange reason, I felt pretty ambitious after returning home at 8pm.. I went to the store and got canning supplies! We made 11 8oz jars of Strawberry and Strawberry/rhubarb jam!! I can't believe I just canned food!! It was so rewarding when the lids did that pop noise after being in the water bath! I'm totally excited about this.. can you tell!? hehee I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow to see how it actually turns out (and crap! we're outta bread! haha) Here are some picture from our day!
The picking begins!

Gwen finds a good one..and a tasty one too!
Shaun loooooooooves the strawberry
Look at this!!
Shaun is overjoyed!!
Look at all the strawberries we gathered!!
Shaun made me an ice-cream birthday cake! I'm 15 again!! YAY!
Shaun does the tough part of not getting burned while transferring jars..
Our first strawberry jam!! WOOHOO!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Delaney in 3D!

We had an ultrasound for the study visit yesterday. I made sure to tell the doctor performing the scan that we really needed some good pics this time, since so far, we've gotten no real great ones! She said, Oh, would you like some 3D images!? ummm yeah! Of course! So, she made a great attempt to get us some nice shots of our little babe! BUT! She kept putting her hands up covering her face and not making things really easy. So, we only ended up with two shots, but they are still pretty darn cute. :) Take a look! Still measuring right along with her due date.. I was 25 weeks yesterday, and all the measurments were 25+ a few days!

Shaun and Gwen were able to join me, and Gwen was really excited to see her baby sister on the TV screen! She suggested that 'Delaney looks just like a baby chicken and that she's soooo little and sooooo cute!'