Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I feel like I've lost him all over again..

While checking my morning emails, I felt something under my shirt. Little particles of something... I pulled some out, thought Gwen must have somehow got some candy in there, and threw it on the floor.. i'll vacuum later, right? I go into the kitchen to make a call, and feel more of this stuff under my shirt, between my tank bra and shirt.. I lift up my shirt and out falls all of this stuff.. I'm puzzled - for a second.. then I see Dresden's urn is missing from my necklace! His ashes are all over the kitchen floor! I feel okay, but rush around looking for the urn part, hoping it's not shattered somewhere in our bed, it's not there.. it's under my shirt still (baby and boobs hold it in place) it's totally empty, I start to freak out, call Shaun at work and can barely talk - I get out that Dresden's necklace broke and his ashes are on the floor, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Shaun got me calmed down a bit, but as soon as we hung up, I lost it again, screaming out! I don't even remember screaming when he died.. then I had to go back by the computer and search the floor for my dead sons ashes, and then to the kitchen, adding each little piece back into the cobalt blue urn. I've been wearing him since 3 days after he died, everywhere but the shower, and now my necklace is broken. Shaun says he can fix it, but what if he can't? I feel sick... I couldn't protect him then, and I can't even protect him now!

15 comments:

k@lakly said...

God, thats awful. What a horrible thing to have happen. I would call the neklace company too and let them know this happened. Those urns are supposed to be sealed. You shouldn't have to be searching for his ashes.
I'm so sorry.
xxoo

The Fabulous Ms. Beth said...

((hugs)) I'm so sorry you have to go through this..

Shannon Ryan said...

Thanks K@lakly - I hadn't thought of calling them. They're sending a new one.

Michelle R said...

oh Shannon, how horrible! I am so sorry that this happened :( I hope Shaun can fix it....

Michelle S. said...

Shannon, I am so sorry. I'm glad that the company is sending you a new necklace, but it still doesn't help what happened...

Rachele said...

Oh Shannon. *hugs* I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how horrible and tough that must have been. *hugs*

Heather E said...

Shannon, I am so sorry that you had to experience that! How awful! I am glad that you will be getting a new one too and I am sure Shaun will make sure it is sealed beyond belief.

Alice said...

Oh God, I'm so sorry. I can imagine just how this makes you feel. Things like this are like going through the whole loss again, aren't they? A while after Laura died I thought we'd lost the only photographs we had of her and I just screamed the house down. They did turn up. I don't know .... I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I hope your husband can help. With love, Alice

Just Breathe said...

I am so sorry. What a sad story.
Please know that I care.

Lynda said...

OMG how horrible, I can't even imagine how I would feel in that situation. Its not fair that any of us have to deal with this. ITS NOT FAIR!!! I'm so so sorry *hugs*

Fireflyforever said...

Oh Shannon. What a horrible thing to happen. We have so little that is tangible of our precious children. Every last little bit is precious. I am so very sorry and I'm sending big transatlantic hugs.

Melissa said...

OMG Shannon. I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen. Huge hugs. I'm glad they are sending a new one, but agree that it doesn't help what happened. :(

Brendan and Brenna's Mom said...

That is really horrible. I can't even imagine...

Dalene said...

Oh my, that is just awful. I hope that you're able to get a new necklace. I would have been a screaming mess, too.

MissingYouAlways said...

im so sorry this happened. I would have reacted the same way..
my best friend bought me a urn necklace but im too afraid to mess with jordans ashes, because if I were to drop any part of it I would lose it. but part of me wants to try it, but I guess im afraid. glad ur getting a new necklace. xoxox