A very interesting photograph..

My good friend Angela captured the following photo at Delaney's first birthday party.  It is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  I would never even begin to be able to explain it, and I think you'll find it quite amazing as well.   If you look at my shirt, the bottom left part of the picture, you can see a swirl of colors - within this swirl, toward the bottom there is a very clear image of an infants face.  It looks like Dresden, and what's even cooler from my standpoint, is that when she sent the picture to me, the first thing I noticed was a footprint - the face would be located in the heel of the foot..  this is meaningful to me of course, because my Dresden symbol has always been his footprint.  Shaun even put this image on top of Dresden's actual picture and the nose and mouth match up perfectly.   I just had to share this, it really made my night and makes me feel like my baby boy is still with me.

Oh my!

My lovely friend Camilla just sent us flowers for Dresden's birthday.  They are gorgeous, so I wanted to share.  Thank you SOOOOO much Camilla, Ross, Oliver (and Amalia, too!)  They brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face, Love to you all!

Happy 2nd Birthday Dresden!

Time... again, it's so strange because I feel like how could it already be two years, but at the same time I feel like how is it NOT ten years?  I still think that our minds have a way of protecting us from grief and time is a way to ease the pain?  It still hurts, I know that it will always hurt.  As soon as the first autumn breeze came through my windows, I felt Dresden.  It's his time, I can sense him more, even smell him and to me there is nothing more beautiful than that.  Today, we will pick the apples from Dresden's tree and then Gwen, Delaney and I will make Dresden's special apple birthday cake and talk about him, sings songs to him (Gwen made a song for her brother a while ago.. she likes to sing it to Delaney.. "the heart of looove, go to sleep go to sleep, the heart of looove")  Shaun will come home early, and we will sing to our baby and eat his cake.. it won't be all fun and laugher like it should, but it is his day, and we will celebrate his life, however short it was.  Yesterday my nephew said that he wished Dresden was still here, I told him that I did too.. and then he said I wish Dresden AND Delaney were both here together!  He's only 7 years old, and already so intuitive.. I think kids know so much more about life and death than we do as adults, I feel so blessed to have family and friends who aren't afraid to mention Dredsen's name, and I know they will never forget.  Happy Birthday to my sweet boy, I love you and miss you all the time.

It's that time of year again..

The time that gets me all weepy, and sick to my stomach, and just plain sad. This day 2 years ago marks the end of one of the best weekends ever!  We really lived it up, knowing the our family would be expanding soon and that it wouldn't be long before Gwen wasn't our only baby anymore.  We had such a beautiful time at the apple orchard and the build a bear shop, where Gwen made her special Tiggy Witch... we were supposed to be there making baby brother a stuffed bear, a gift from his big sis -  we never made that bear, because nothing felt right.  I wonder now, if nothing felt right because deep down I knew that there wouldn't be a baby brother to enjoy a stuffed toy.. maybe Gwen knew too..  The 8th is the day that our world turned upside down and life would never be the same, things would never go back to just plain happy.  How could they?   You go to the hospital, and see no life in your womb, no swooshing heartbeat - why couldn't that ultrasound machine just be broken, unplugged?! my womb was supposed to be a safe, and happy place for my perfect beautiful little boy and then bam!  Out of nowhere, he's just dead?  It still doesn't make sense to me, it never will.  There is a hole in my heart that won't fill up- EVER.. no matter how much joy comes after 9/9/08, there will always be a part of me that died with my son, a part that will never return.  I'm okay with that now, it's the only way I can stay connected to him, and if I know one thing, it's that I always want Dresden to be part of my life and I'm so happy that he was here, even if just for a moment in time.  I love you sweet little guy.. you'll always be my baby and you will always have a part of my heart.  Shaun and I have talked about how grateful we were that we found out Dresden's fate on 9/8/08, but he was born after 1am on the 9th.. his birth may not have been a happy time for us, but at least it wasn't the absolute WORST day or our lives..
This song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTpHAbuEQac makes me sappy and I almost hate admitting that it's made me cry, it's a happy kid song!  But for me, it's just a cruel reminder that my girls' brother doesn't love trucks.. or anything, he was robbed of a beautiful life full of wonder and we were robbed of knowing him.   

Happy 1st Birthday Delaney!!

So, I'm a few days late here, but we've been pretty busy, what can I say?  August 31st Delaney turned 1 (her birthday party invitation is the picture above)!  My little rainbow baby is now a walking, jabbering, adorable, lovable toddler!  I can't believe how quickly this year went by, I can so vividly remember last year when she was snug in my womb, just waiting so anxiously for her SAFE arrival.. and here we are.  It seems impossible.  I thank my baby girl every day for joining our family, I hope she always realizes how incredibly special she is to all of us.  She enjoyed her birthday parties and as you can see, she was not afraid to really get into the cake!  :)

Gwen's halloween tutu!

My friend Melissa made Gwen a halloween tutu and matching bow!  You can find these tutu's and more at her Etsy shop.  http://www.etsy.com/shop/ChloeBowi

So you think you can dance?

Hocking Hills

We went to Hocking Hills this past weekend.  Years ago, Shaun's sister told us about it and thought we'd really like it.. we revisited going there again in 2007 - I have a tourist book from then.. and recently saw an ad in a magazine and hung it on my fridge thinking that THIS time we were GOING!!  and we did!!  I marked the dates on the calendar a few months ago, but didn't book the trip until the morning we were leaving, we stayed at one of the state parks cottages!  We had a great time, the natural beauty was amazing!  We can not believe it took us so long to go to this special place, that is less than 5 hours away!  We will make this a recurring vacation spot for sure!   Here are lots of pictures from our trip!  Enjoy~~~

Shaun and Delaney morning snuggles!

Gwen looking at the forest from our screened in porch.

Yatta!! (I did it!!)

us at ash cave

Delaney touching the walls

I believe Gwen is driving an airplane!  Notice that she still has tennis shoes on..  she can't resist the water!

She ended up asking me if she could go on a bridge.. I said sure!  Didn't realize the bridge was IN the water!

Delaney enjoys the sand

Gwen draws pictures in the sand.. one of them is a dancing kitty!

We took the fun way back - this was a stroller friendly trail (there were two) so we left the stoller and went back the ridge way..  it was a loooong way down, so we kept a good handle on the kids.  Since we didn't realize we were taking this way back we had to carry Delaney, since we left the carrier in the car.  At the end of the trail, a group came behind us and said... it can't be THAT difficult, there's a lady with an infant! HAHA 

Gwen spotted this red mushroom with white spots! A magic shroom!!

hiking to old man's cave!  Gwen got a fox walking stick, which actually made her want to hike even more!!  YES!!

Even Gwen has to duck

Gwen met a friend and once again went in the water (which is against the rules..) how can one resist!?

So much to climb!

A cool stone bridge

This tunnel was completely dark!  

We wore her out!

Shaun needed a break! haha  Actually I told him to pose... 

We had to get back to the state park after old mans cave to do some nature prints!  Gwen did hers on a t-shirt!

All the toys she NEEDED for the trip!  Her barbies jumped up and down when I said they could come too! 

Father's day breakfast in bed!

Gwen coloring her t-shirt

Delaney having a snack before we left the cottage.

We started our hike at Cedar Falls on Sunday morning.. as soon as we got down a bunch of steps, Gwen had to go to the bathroom!  So, they took the shortcut!

Delaney loved to touch the trees and leaves!

One of Gwen's crazy poses!

Look at that big guy!!  

We made it to Cedar Falls!!

More Nummies!!  :)Our last hike was Conkles Hollow.. another stroller friendly path.. the ridge looked really cool here, but also very treacherous.. so we'll save that for another day!  

Delaney snacks while watching her big sis climb!!

Gwen wanted to take a pictures, so I crouched down next to Delaney and naturally she pulled my hair!!

What a great trip!!  We can't wait to go back!!