Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Dresden - the worst day and his birthday

Delaney holding onto Dresden

September 8 - the worst day of our lives. One year has passed.. today is the day we found out our sweet boy was gone. I spent the entire day, trying to get a good movement. I just thought he was slowing down, getting ready for his birth.. sadly that was not the case. After spending the day willing him to move, we went to the hospital.. I wasn't even nervous until we arrived there. I just KNEW he was okay, after all, if your baby dies inside of you, it's something you'd know, right? At the same time, I look back and feel like I already knew he was gone. I just didn't want to find out that it was really true. This week has been difficult for me, retracing the last moments with my boy.. not knowing for certain when the last moments were.. but guessing that he died on the 6th, and was gone for 2 days before we found out. Nothing helps the fact that he's gone, it doesn't matter what day, or time - none of that will bring him back. We miss him all the time though.. all the time.

September 9 - Well, here we are. Dresden's first birthday. Instead of preparing our house for a big ole party, I'm trying to think of a special dessert to make to honor our sweet baby boy. Shaun says it has to be something that we only make for HIS birthday.. i'm thinking something with apples. I really can't believe it's been a year. I miss him so terribly, I wouldn't be able to explain it, if I tried. I have no perfect words for this day.. I still long for you my sweet boy, I always will. Time may make things easier, but there are some things that never heal.. like the hole in my heart that went with you when you left us. I sure wish I was watching you dig into a birthday cake today and not writing this post. Happy first birthday sweet one. Your family loves you and misses you all the time.

15 comments:

Erika P said...

Happy Birthday, sweet boy. I'm remembering you and thinking of your parents and your sisters today.

Shannon, I'm so sorry Dresden isn't there with you, squashing his cake everywhere and making you laugh. I so wish he was.

I love the picture of Delaney holding the Dresden urn necklace. I remember you saying on MDC that you hoped you would have her in your arms on Dresden's birthday and it might help you through the day a little, and I hope that's the case, that she and Gwen can give you some comfort today. So sad that their brother isn't there too.

Big hugs...

angie said...

I wish things were different too, Shannon. Remembering Dresden with you, and holding your family close.

Rachele "MommaSomeday" said...

*hugs* I'm so very sorry that Dresden isn't with you today. I hope you find some comfort with Delaney in your arms.

Thinking of you and yours,

Rachele

Heather E said...

Well the previous three posts were so well written that I couldn't add to what they said except his Aunt Heather misses him too and I still cry thinking about him. Oh how I wish things were different. Extra hugs and kisses to your two sweet girls by your side and that brother of mine. We love you!!!

Just Breathe said...

Sweet little one so far away.
Happy Birthday Angel.

Jenn said...

Happy Birthday little Dresden. You are dearly missed by your family. Rest sweetly around your mom's neck and in the grasp of your little sister.

Fireflyforever said...

Sweet little man. I so wish you were with your mummy and daddy and your sisters today. I know that you are - just not in the way we would love you to be.

Mom and Dad said...

We still miss him and wish that he was here making a mess of his first birthday cake. I am sure that he is looking down on his mama, daddy, Gwen and new sister Delaney and watching over all of you. This is a very hard day and we send all of our love. We still have our crying days and expect that we will until the end of time.

Hope's Mama said...

We miss, love and remember him with you.
xo

Melissa said...

Happy Birthday Dresden.
Hugs to you all!
That photo is so beautiful.

Aunt Tee said...

I was thinking of you and wondering what you do to honor this day. A loss of a loved one creates a wound - and though the wound heals, the scar remains. I hope there'll be a time that you can run your finger over the scar and smile for the time that you had with Dresden.

Michelle S. said...

Happy Birthday sweet Dresden. I know you are keeping watch from above over your mommy and daddy as well as big sis and your new little sister. you will always be loved and missed.

michelle T said...

Happy Birthday Dresden, we all know your looking down ova your family today and forever. I remember when we found out me and my mom cryed for hours.We was determine to make Hali move everyday after that. Oh I wish things could be differnt.

k@lakly said...

Thinking of you and your sweet little Dresden and wishing like hell that he was here with you, celebrating his first birthday.
It's just so unfair.
xxoo

Inanna said...

Late, catching up, but thinking of you and Dresden... *hugs*